Squaring being gay with being a British Asian – a journey of authenticity and finding community
Author: Suneet Sharma
Summary: Suneet Sharma Deputy CEO (Governance) of Proud Changemakers, highlights the importance of finding queer joy and community as an LGBTQ+ Asians. He also highlights some resources and organisations which might help people when navigating these questions.
At times it can be difficult to square being gay with being a British Asian and Hindu- how these communities intersect and sit alongside each other can feel uncomfortable.
It wasn’t an easy question to answer particularly, when it felt like these were conflicting so often. But over times I realised I had been finding communities which allowed me to be authentically myself and carve out my identity.
Growing up in the 1990’s and early 2000’s one of the starkest things which struck me was the lack of queer role models. Coming into my own as a teenager and realising my sexuality was not heteronormative was difficult in a conservative Indian family. Not having anyone close in my family or friends who otherwise identified as LGBTQ+ made finding individuals whose experiences I related to as a queer Indian difficult. Add to this the taboo topic of sexuality, arranged marriages and cultural expectations in many South Asian circles.
However, in time, I became determined to light my own path, and to try to encourage others to do so as well.
My first boyfriend was a queer British man with South Asian heritage- sharing our experiences helped me grow and consider that what I wanted was to be authentically me and I doing so find spaces which accept and champion me. At times however, this could be difficult when you had both feet in what felt like very different camps without a community to support you.
Joining a videogames company as part of my legal career I co-founded its first Employee Resource Group (“ERG”) for LGBTQ+ staff, wanting to find the sense of community that I had been searching for. I was very privileged to not only find it, but build it. Through running events, amplifying voices and fundraising we made our way to the British LGBT Awards as a Top Ten ERG in 2021.
I had been given a platform and was determined to do something to help others with it. That’s when I joined the Board of LGBTQIA+ charity It Gets Better UK- a charity focused on improving the mental wellbeing of LGBTQIA+ Youth through sharing stories. I had an opportunity to directly support those who may have been in a position I was in. As a Trustee I helped oversee the governance and operations of the charity, helping it, with my colleagues, reach over 500,000 people at Prides and via social media in 2024.
Now, as part of Proud Changemakers I am part of a community that seeks to build a place where those who identify as LGBTQIA+ within the voluntary sector and broader civil society can be acknowledged and flourish.
In the course of doing this I have been fortunate to realise that it’s the people you meet and the experiences you have and choices you make that allow that expression and flourishing of who you are. I realised a few things have helped support me throughout this journey, and if you are in a similar place I was they might help.
Fostering connections with empathetic friends and family has given me the support network I needed closer to home.
There are brilliant charities such as Albert Kennedy, Stonewall, Mosaic Young Person’s Trust, MindOut which build and develop services for LGBTQ+ people, some of whom I have had the pleasure to work with.
Samaritans and Shout offer great listening services and an empathetic ear and support.
In the workplace groups such as MyGwork, LGBT Great as well as Out and Equal support equality in the professional area of our lives.
Also, it’s important to remember, wherever you are in your journey, that there is an important shift towards understanding and acceptance in the world and our communities. LGBTQ+ people are better represented than ever before and also increasingly supported in being authentically themselves and support others in the community and that’s not to be underestimated.
I am Suneet Sharma, and I am a Proud Changemaker.